I find myself constantly thinking of what’s next, literally everything.
- What am I going to do next?
- What’s the next step after this?
- Why am I doing this?
- Seriously, I could do so much more!
- What would I do differently than now?
- Would I like it if it wasn’t the way I expected it to be?
- Is it okay to be where I am right now?
Maybe I am at a time where others would say it’s mid-life crisis. “I have nothing entitle to my name. I own nothing.” That sense of failure often haunts me and reminds me of my life choices. Just like this morning, driving to work, I suddenly remembered that time when my body, my mind, and my soul gave up on me. I managed to get out of the thought but it’s still lingering. That lead me to this moment of fear. Hence, all the thoughts appear as a form of questioning all of my decisions.
Did this ever happen to you? It happened to me regardless of time, space, or season. Those questions would pop up while I was taking a shower, while I was driving, while I was just sitting down and looking at trees, even while I was doing my job.
This reminds me about this verse of the Bible when Peter said,
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.1 Peter 5:8
Because of all these thoughts constantly attacking me in all directions, I am more reminded that my God, the Creator, the Almighty, is always by my side and will get me through this time of trials.
Successful is not about the materials thing that you got at the end, but what you gain as a person is what matters. I don’t want to chase after things, after the wind. I want to chase things that are eternal, things that last.
I wouldn’t attempt to answer all the questions that listed, all of those bombarding thoughts. That wouldn’t satisfy my soul figuring out the answer. I want to give it up to God who has an entire plan for me. I want to trust God more than myself.