Thinking out loud #2

Sometimes, I have this sense of clarity in my life. Like, I know exactly what I want and how I want it. Other time, I have absolutely no idea what makes me feel happy.

Like right now, I have this sense of defeated even though I haven’t started doing anything yet. Yet, I feel like my entire world doesn’t make sense anymore. What an extreme feeling this is! Either this or that, nowhere in between.

Sometimes I find myself unable to express my thought through words. I wanted to say something but word got stuck in my throat. At time like that, I felt so inferior to the people around me, that I am not adequate enough to have a simple conversation.

I’m afraid that I might lose my confidence and my skill if I don’t advance in what I do.

There is this one trick that I have to boost my confidence when I feel inadequate, I would read the Bible and feel content in His grace and mercy. That God’s love is more than enough. Once I align my purpose to God’s love, everything seems to get back to its original plan. Looking up feels great at time, isn’t it?

Thinking OUT LOUD #1

Today is the second day that I am on order. This order is also my third order for Covid-19 Mission.

The first order, I helped with delivering PPE and Covid-19 test to counties in the NW areas for 10 weeks. The second order, I was with all the other medics administering vaccines to the residents for 5 months.

Now, for this third order, I will be helping the Hospitals with whatever they need. I am not sure how long this order will be. So far, the order is for 4 weeks with possible extension. I am low-key hoping for a long extension for this order since it helps financially for sure!

Something arises that needs my attention right now. I just got news that I would be working closer to home, 10 minutes drive. However, a friend of mine hasn’t known where she would be stationed yet and she’s stressing out. She wanted to switch with me if she had to travel farther to where she’s at. I am in the middle of deciding what I should do, to be generous and putting others’ need above my own, or to be content with what I have. The dilemma is real!!!

Also, I am planning to have more time to shadow PAs so that I can apply for IPAP. I need to be home so I can do that. I also want more time to jumpstart a new biblical research again. I have so many thing that I want to do and so little plan for them to become fruitful. That is something I hate about myself, I want to do too many thing but don’t want to put effort to do it.

Anyways, that’s it for now. I’ll share more the next time I remember to write things down again.