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Mid-day post

I have done quite a bit this morning. All the things that I planned last night on my checklist were pretty much done. There is one thing, though, that I find it super hard to accomplish everyday…

RUNNING

I plan and plan and plan, everyday, every morning, to run at least 2 miles to get that cardio exercise. Planning is just planning. Unless I act upon my decision, then and only then, planning becomes helpful.

I know that. I know that very well. However, I only find that when the pressure is high, the demand is at stake, then I will have that kind of motivation to bring my ass out to freaking RUN. Holy cow, I am so lazy!!!

I need to stick to my plan. I need to create every opportunity for success.

So here is my plan:
1. Actually wake up before sunrise (~6:30)
2. Prepare the running clothes the night before (meaning tonight)
3. Stop being lazy
4. Have a running route. Got one! 4 miles round trip, just down the road and back. I’m not going to run fast, just to run but I will record the time to compare for the next run. OMG, I already thought of the next time…-.-

Alright, please wish me luck!!!

I sure will update tomorrow to whether I actually do it or not. Don’t worry. I’m not going to disappear any time soon. 😉

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As Promised

So yesterday I said that I would come back to write more. But to be honest, it’s hard to keep the promise. I realize or know deep down in my heart that I have to pull extra extra strength on this matter if I want to keep going.

I could count with my fingers how many times I actually reached the goals. With just this simple task of writing, I am already giving up. I was thinking about doing a daily video log but that couldn’t happen today. I did film something though but I was too lazy to put it all together in a video.

I planed to do a lot of things and a lot of things disappeared to their own paths. How funny that I wanted to write daily since I was little and ended up kept such promise for only a few day. I remembered having a dairy as a new year resolution as well. I bet you could guess how that was.

Do you remember those time that new year resolution was a thing? I don’t remember if I set any goal for this year, 2020. Crazily wild as this year might be, most of us expected something amazing just because it’s 2020. Now, our definition of 2020 is, as everyone has witnessed, not what we would have imagined.

I would like to end this writing with a positive note that, hey, at least we can continue to do something, to move, to live, to love, to laugh, and to be. So I guess be the best that you can be today, without expectation but full of hope and appreciation. And, hey, I did it! I wrote something today. I posted.

I kept my promise! I hope the same for tomorrow but I will let tomorrow decide.

On to you, if you are actually reading this and something in your heart that can’t sit still, go and do as your heart desires.

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I AM Back!!!

I hope everything is well with you all, my beloved!

I am excited to be back to writing once again after being absent for so long. Has it been months now? Oh how time flies!

Of course, I’m not expected to have a lot of traffic for this blog on the first of being back but nonetheless, I am hoping to catch up with you about my life thus far and what I would like to do next.

From the last blog, I got a job and started working with the National Guard. You might have heard a lot about what the Guard is doing in the United States. We have been called to many occasions and I’m glad I was a part of a great organization helping with the Covid Response Force and welcoming soldiers who were deployed overseas back to the States. I have done that in 6 months and concluded my work with the Guard for now. I am applying further to work as a full-time staff with the Guard though, but the applying process is taking a bit of time. For now, I would like to work on my soul, my being, the “core-living body part”.

If you would like to follow my story or maybe just a fun read everyday, feel free to add me to your list ;). I will probably post a new one in the morning or at night time. Surprise, I guess.

Anyway, the day is in your hand, be happy and make good choices.

NO PRESSURE – Enjoy the random me talking 😎

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I think I’m an expert at FARMING!

Please let me explain. I have been staying inside for a whole week. My biggest accomplishments so far is to leveling up on the game called Escape and being an expert at farming in Hay Day. Oh how life has gotten a hold of me!

My day to day basic of this week sounds like this:

– I would get up after roughly 8 hours of sleep every single day. I am actually proud of myself of having a good amount of sleep.

— Then I would turn on my phone and play Escape until I ran out of “lives”.

—— Then I would check on my farm in Hay Day. I actually started this game during my college years to cope with the boredom at that time. Ever since, I would never have thought that I restarted the game right from level 1. I think I am an expert with this game already.

– After I had done all the check list for the morning, I finally got up and hoping to make myself a cup of coffee. However, sometimes I would be able to get the coffee right away but sometimes I have to clean up my kitchen before doing anything. So today was one of those days, I cleaned up the mess that I made from yesterday.

– Next, I started on the coffee and sometimes breakfast with breads and pan-fried eggs. Oh, I haven’t shared my experience of baking yet! Yes I do bake sometimes. I will sure share that once I figure out how to make the dough perfectly.

– Then I would consider either to continue reading book or playing mobile games. Today, I went back to play those games. :D!

– I might skip lunch if I had breakfast too late and went straight to dinner. Usually my dinner will be around 1800 and then I would just laying in my bed and play those games to almost midnight to fall asleep and start the next day all over again.

Such is my expensive stay-cation of the year! There are a lot of leisure time and being not productive in terms of making money or doing something. But for me, such time is the most productive for my brain and my mind. I would keep thinking and thinking about the things that I read from the book. My mind is always occupied with situations and problems and solving and all of that. Sometimes it feels like a war in my head. But this is a great fight! I have to re-questioning my faith over and over again. To all the claim and the disclaim of Christ, what do I want to believe and how do I believe it. [I’m tired. My brain is tired].

A little about me that you might not know, I am a devout Christian. I went to college to pursue Christianity and its goodness. However, my quest to taste more of its sweetness and the tender love of Christ has only taken over me with more knowledge and information of some sort of a religion. I was overwhelmed by those years of constantly testing my faith. Eventually, I came to term with myself. I has already given everything I had, my passion and my willingness, so I bet it all on Christ. Hence, I would continue to do so until I am graduated from this world.

As if those years were not enough of keep me pushing on with life, until today, my mind is not rested. The book that I has been reading was The Sins of Scripture by John Shelby Spong. The author has many many disclaimers about the traditional Christianity. Some of those have me considering and fighting as if my faith has been put on a scale. I have to look at all the evidence that I have experienced in my life so far of Christ to “unzip” what has been said in this book. To be honest, this task is very daunting. My mind is constantly doing this while I was playing games, or while I was baking, or while I was eating, or while I was laying down… I would love to give my opinion about the author’s words but I am hesitant to express my developing thoughts for I might have to loose what I had already bind.

Thank you for reading this post full of my confusing and tangling thoughts. I just wanted to say it all out in the open for now so that later on, when I had a chance to reflect the person I had become, that I would be proud of that person who I once was.

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Keep Your Mind Busy

While the world has been hiding from fear, let your mind not hiding behind the screen of Netflix or YouTube. Keep your mind busy and think about new thoughts, old thoughts, your own thoughts and other’s thoughts. You can read new books. You can learn new skills. You can utilize this rare free time to do things that you have been wanting to do.

For me, I wanted to study the Bible for as long as I remember… which was right after my graduation. I wanted to learn more and understand more the world of theology. But somehow I keep putting that thought aside and moving on with life. Now, I figure is a good time to get back to that urge of old and start the study.

I started the study by learning by heart the Gospel of John. I want to be able to recite and remember word by word. This is an extreme way of learning the Bible. However, if you would like to start learning the Bible, I would suggest to read other texts to enhance your knowledge.

My message for today is to keep your mind busy by doing things that your heart desires but yet accomplished. This will somehow gives you that sense of purpose and contentment of the day.

I am going to continue reading books and be inspired by others’ knowledge. Keeping my mind busy is not hard but sometimes I can be very distracting. But whether I am doing what I plan to do or doing something else, I am mindful of my actions. That allows me to think that life is not all about perfection but the ability to enjoy life through everything else.

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Where have I been?

Did you remember how I was complaining of having too much freedom and an extending of time to do absolutely nothing? For the passed ten days of non-stop working and being stressed out, I am now finally having sometimes to vent my deepest uttering words that I can finally BREATH now!

Close your eyes – Take a deep breath – Hold as long as you can – Breath out

Now do that again for 5 times, for sure you will **feel better**
*– Both your mind and your soul* –

I just started a new job of being a scribe. I learned a lot so far and enjoyed my co-workers. However, nothing is perfect until you want to make it so. I didn’t have a proper training time and was thrown into a lot of unfamiliar situations. I was stressed. My provider was stressed. There was earnestly nothing to improve such matters except pushing through with it. We both did. Life moved on. But I couldn’t.

I felt like my present of being at the clinic only beneficial to enhance my medical knowledge instead of doing the very mean of being a scribe, saving Doctors. Of course, I would advance in a matter of time but nonetheless, the burdening feeling bothered me a lot. I had to think about resigning and moving on to the next chapter.

That was couple days ago when I felt like I could not take it anymore. My mind and my soul were restless. I was done. I called up my old job and asked if they wanted me back. And, they sure did! It was stressful that night. Sleeping was out of reach, turning and tossing. Tumbling upon the idea of life, money, and responsibility.

My heart is finally decided to move on.

But you know life is always taking its turn to surprise you one way or other. Since the recent Coronavirus threat, not a lot of healthy people want to expose themselves to the outsiders and the sick people want to stay away from others, there were not a lot of people coming to the cline. Therefore, the moment my heart moved on, the situation also got a hold of me for the better.

Oregon State has just declared a statewide lockdown. Here I am, thinking of a creative way to stay at home and make some more presentable purposes in life.

I celebrated my friend’s birthday yesterday and had a little fun filming it. Maybe I should move to YouTube and record my life! If you have time, come over her channel and wish her happy birthday. 🙂

Click on the link here to the video

Anyways my dear readers, my friends, stay healthy and I will sure write more often since I have all the time in the world to do such. By the way, I am still reading the book “The Sins of Scripture” and I will update my process and my thought on the book next time.

Stay-tuned and BE BLESSED.

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Late Post Tuesday

I am reluctant to post something today. Tuesday is my day off and I usually get up very late. Last night I imagined myself waking up early today to do everything all at once, and that didn’t happen of course. I found time went by as fast as usual even when I was doing nothing at home. However, today wasn’t all that wasted.

I went to look for places to rent in the future. I am planning to move closer to the working area so I don’t have to drive too far everyday. And, maybe not the main reason but one of them, I want to change the environment. Do you ever find yourself changing your room setting once every few months? I am that type who’s always on the look for something new, creating new environments, new ideas, new looks, new changes! The house searching wasn’t a successful today but it was a learning journey. I didn’t know it was that hard searching for new places. But then I started learning about the area and the likelihood of the neighbors around. I got to know that I was very picky at those places as well. I need to grow up in this area, be content with things.

After visiting 3 apartments, bookstore was the next stop. I got to a very good place with variety of choices. I like to go to bookstore more than shopping books online. That feeling of touching each page with the scent of rusty papers, such classic feeling can’t be replaced with all the scrolling on an iPad.

I stumbled upon this very interesting book by John Shelby Spong. After reading a paragraph, I got drawn into the text and the way he was explaining, so simply yet informative.

I will sure update of this reading on my next posts!

I am planning on starting a research project of expressing my Christianity. There are so many Christians giving their thoughts of what it means to be Christian and I want to join the race. Everyone has a different point of view and I have mine as well. I wanted to do this a while ago after I graduated the Studies of Bible and Theology, however, I was hesitant until now. I was impregnated with the idea of defending my Christianity to my friends who were curious but also carefully considering. Of all those Christian believes out there, not all of them are in unison with the theology but all point toward Christ from different directions. I hope to be another enhancer to the light which has already been lit up since the death and the resurrection of Christ.

For this, I would love to have you, my readers, as my partners in exploring the idea of being human, fragile, broken, yet has been redeemed, rebuild, retouch, and brought up to light.

What a Tuesday and more to come!

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Monday Devotion

It’s always good waking up from a rested sleep.

“How are you doing? Asked my soul.

It’s not as bad, said my straight face.

Bad? Why started your day so gloomy?

I fathom it’s just another day, another week.

No, no, it’s not. It’s your day. Make it yours.

You are right. It is my day. I define it. And I want to make it mine.”

—- Breathing in. Breathing out. A deep breath for the soul. Another deep breath for a smile. Close your eyes and imagine how your day goes. Start with a positive note, who knows, you might end up with a happy day. —-

Revisiting the ultimate goal that I want for my life. What do I want to be? What do you want to be? — I want to be known as a person who serve, that was my answer during the first year college when I was still figuring out myself. I want to serve anywhere, anyhow, and anyway I can. I want to look out for any chances that I can serve today. When I’m at home, when I’m at work, when I’m at a super market, or when run errands, I want to be ready to offer my service.

Be happy my soul, for today is your day, the day that the LORD has made. Go out there and live your life. Live to the fullest knowing that He will always be with you.

Be blessed.

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Sunday Sermon Online

As the day has come closer to an end before another, yet, a new morning, I want to jot down some thought to keep my mind and my soul active.

I didn’t do much today, even though it was a Sunday. I didn’t go to church today. Not because of the Corona Virus news has began reaching to my neighborhood, nor I was scared to get outside, I was just not really into church lately.

I am at a stage, or a period, or some might say, a season of taking back and watch. I am taking back on the thought of going to church and attending a sermon/mass. I have many reasons for it and to summarize it, the only thing I want to share to you as well as to myself, is that I want to take a break. And I think that’s okay to take a break on communion.

Maybe I haven’t found a place to feel belonged yet and that’s why I have been listening to sermons online. I would like to go deeper into this topic once I have enough research for it. But for now, all I can say is that I am not ready to plug in to a new church, a new community, a new set of rules and gangs. I want to wait for it.

Enough of all that internal attacking thoughts, I want this post to be simple and lighthearted. After all, we are still learning to live and love as we grow up, day by days.

Today went a little like…

For a sudden, I forgot what happened today. Haha. How did I spend my day without putting a foot outside of the house? I woke up late. I had no agenda. I just let the day go by. I didn’t even brush my teeth right after I woke up. I turned on my phone and realized that it was Daylight Saving. Then I watched a Sermon from Pastor Judah Smith on the app called Churchome. He talked about how we all wanted to be closer to God and that was the very reason why most Christians attending Church service. I learned to let go of human condition and lean more on God’s grace.

Then I played an app game on my phone called Homescapes. It was a good game. I played that game whenever I wanted to kill time. Then I hung out on the WordPress and answered your comments on my posts. Then I had breakfast at 1pm and back to play some more levels and watched YouTube. There are a lot of “then” and I guess that’s the accurate description of today.

THEN, I wrote this all down, my thought, my mind, and my being. It’s not a productive day but it was one of my days. Even though I didn’t get anything done in particular, I have the day to rest, to hang out about, to move, to feel, and to love. That’s enough for me. I feel content and encouraged in many ways today.

Tomorrow will be different. I will have a busy schedule until 7pm. I will learn more things. I will meet more people. But, let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.

I am satisfied with today and that’s what I called blessing.

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Weekend Clean Up – Daily Attempt

I spend almost the entire day today dedicated to clean up my ginormous closet. There are so many clothes that they overwhelm my every being. OMG! Not all of the clothes are mine but there was once I have shared them all with my roommate. Have you ever watched that show on Netflix about a Japanese lady tried to help others organzing their stuffs? Stuffs! Stuffs! Stuffs!

I am in a process of learning how to let go.

How to let go of stuffs is the skill that everyone will learn eventually. Heck, you might already have! You have learnt how to let go of your lost eraser when you started Kindergarten. You have learnt how to say good-bye to your best friends over the summer of 5th grade. You have learnt how to let go of that person once was your forever love. Look at you! That very skill of letting go might have saved you a big deal, am I right or am I right?

Lesson has learnt today that I was not ready to let go of the stuffs that I needed to let go. So I put everything in an organizing bag and sealed it off. There will be one day when I am ready to send it all, far far away from me. I will learn to live a minimalist life. I will, yes I will!… Somehow thou, that idea doesn’t seem too realistic right now. Ugh, I am such a hoarder!

I will go to sleep now. And tomorrow, I hope the burden will be lifted up from my shoulders. And by then, I might be able to let go of unnecessary things that were once belonged to me.

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Early Riser

I was good at waking up early ever since I was little. But things would change, of course, when you grew up.

I’m getting back to the person who I used to be, I guess. Waking up early. Become a morning person. Getting things ready before dawn.

But now, I’m struggling.

I lost my track. My alarm was at 5 AM this morning. But then there’s no reason for me to wake up so early. I forgot why I was like that. Setting up an alarm so early and then laid back down thinking about why I set it up so early. Oh well, who has been in this type of boots before.

Then slowly I got myself up at 6 AM. I thought I would have a lot to do but then, think about it, I didn’t have a lot, just a few. So I started to rise.

I got up.

Washed myself.

Made coffee. Read a chapter of a book.

Got coffee. Learn a Bible verse from the app.

Sitting down. Drinking the coffee and writing this blog.

Okay, this is not bad at all. Now that I get myself ready for the day. All the little things that I go through every morning has been checked. I am ready to move on to the next thing.

So if anyone who happened to read this blog and in the same boots as me right now, it really is not bad to wake up so early after all. Why laying down waiting for the sun to come up instead waking up before the sun.

Take your time. Do things as slowly as you want. Because it seems like you really do have all the time in the world to do all your tasks in the morning when you get up early. Try it and let me know.

Peace to all.

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Blank page

There are many thoughts come to me recently. Not because I was too busy thinking but because I was too busy keeping myself away from thinking too much. How to express yourself from thoughts to words? I found it hard to write down your thoughts the same way of translating life to picture.

The thought was beautiful in my head but when I was start writing it down it all went away. How strange! How to capture your thought at the moment, at the right frequency? That must be what all the writers out there were trying to capture.

I am going to write down my thought as raw as it is in my head. Then maybe one day, I don’t have to think too much in how to express my thought out loud. To write things down, things that happened, things that have feelings, things that define, that confirm, that stay, such things should be carefully put down in paper. Maybe one day, one might find it helpful or hurtful.

I am trying to write things down so that I can reflect my time, my being. How I am is how my thinking is. If I can’t think straight, I can’t live life in the most honest way.

The number 27 has been with me for a long time. It has not been since I was born because I wouldn’t know how to count by then. I am not a genius. I am a normal kid with no extraordinary skill. I think I like it that way. I like to live, love, and laugh normally. I like to live as honest as possible. If not in front of others, at least I want to have it with me. Till today, I still live as if I am the center of the universe. Everyone around me, everything that happens, all the works of society and things, things are important. Reality verses situation.

Are the people in this coffee shop, as I am sitting here right now, have lived their own lives? Or, are they just some one living their “meant to be life” for me to see such a scene in front of me? Existence verses imagination.

Chasing things and waiting for things to come, what would you prefer? As time went by, I think there are more occasions when things came to me instead of me chasing it. But by accepting things, I allow myself to chase after it.

Because of all those thoughts and how I develop my thinking, I tend to live away from people instead of with people. I said that I want to serve people but I was really thinking that serving people will eventually serving me. The end of thought is always about me and not others. For the last 27 years of life, I often live as if everything revolve around me. But I want that to change. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to think that everything is about me and for me. I want to live with others and not for me. Sometimes I have to say that out loud so I can be more conscious about the people around me. That not their actions would shape me and I also make an impact on others’ lives as well.

I tend to ignore people a lot. I am very bad at keeping connections or stay in a good one. I stop chasing things and let things come to me. I don’t want that anymore. I want to chase things now. I want to look out for others. I want to do more. I’ve been laying for too long already. It’s good that I’ve been doing so. Now I think I’m ready to say yes. Say yes to anything comes at me because I want to actively chasing life. I am not chasing after the wind without purpose and assurance. I am chasing after life to give away who I am. To add to the dish a little more flavor and to the world one more shining spark.

It is that time to turn the book of memory, to a blank page of endless line. Let’s start filling the line with words of encouragement and inspiring stories. I am ready. I need to remind myself that I am ready. That I need to move forward, chasing my dream, the dream of serving.