Please let me explain. I have been staying inside for a whole week. My biggest accomplishments so far is to leveling up on the game called Escape and being an expert at farming in Hay Day. Oh how life has gotten a hold of me!
My day to day basic of this week sounds like this:
– I would get up after roughly 8 hours of sleep every single day. I am actually proud of myself of having a good amount of sleep.
— Then I would turn on my phone and play Escape until I ran out of “lives”.
—— Then I would check on my farm in Hay Day. I actually started this game during my college years to cope with the boredom at that time. Ever since, I would never have thought that I restarted the game right from level 1. I think I am an expert with this game already.
– After I had done all the check list for the morning, I finally got up and hoping to make myself a cup of coffee. However, sometimes I would be able to get the coffee right away but sometimes I have to clean up my kitchen before doing anything. So today was one of those days, I cleaned up the mess that I made from yesterday.
– Next, I started on the coffee and sometimes breakfast with breads and pan-fried eggs. Oh, I haven’t shared my experience of baking yet! Yes I do bake sometimes. I will sure share that once I figure out how to make the dough perfectly.
– Then I would consider either to continue reading book or playing mobile games. Today, I went back to play those games. :D!
– I might skip lunch if I had breakfast too late and went straight to dinner. Usually my dinner will be around 1800 and then I would just laying in my bed and play those games to almost midnight to fall asleep and start the next day all over again.
Such is my expensive stay-cation of the year! There are a lot of leisure time and being not productive in terms of making money or doing something. But for me, such time is the most productive for my brain and my mind. I would keep thinking and thinking about the things that I read from the book. My mind is always occupied with situations and problems and solving and all of that. Sometimes it feels like a war in my head. But this is a great fight! I have to re-questioning my faith over and over again. To all the claim and the disclaim of Christ, what do I want to believe and how do I believe it. [I’m tired. My brain is tired].
A little about me that you might not know, I am a devout Christian. I went to college to pursue Christianity and its goodness. However, my quest to taste more of its sweetness and the tender love of Christ has only taken over me with more knowledge and information of some sort of a religion. I was overwhelmed by those years of constantly testing my faith. Eventually, I came to term with myself. I has already given everything I had, my passion and my willingness, so I bet it all on Christ. Hence, I would continue to do so until I am graduated from this world.
As if those years were not enough of keep me pushing on with life, until today, my mind is not rested. The book that I has been reading was The Sins of Scripture by John Shelby Spong. The author has many many disclaimers about the traditional Christianity. Some of those have me considering and fighting as if my faith has been put on a scale. I have to look at all the evidence that I have experienced in my life so far of Christ to “unzip” what has been said in this book. To be honest, this task is very daunting. My mind is constantly doing this while I was playing games, or while I was baking, or while I was eating, or while I was laying down… I would love to give my opinion about the author’s words but I am hesitant to express my developing thoughts for I might have to loose what I had already bind.
Thank you for reading this post full of my confusing and tangling thoughts. I just wanted to say it all out in the open for now so that later on, when I had a chance to reflect the person I had become, that I would be proud of that person who I once was.