I have to admit that having faith in this day and age is difficult. There are so many distractions both from within the community and outside the community. Regardless of the reason, I want to start this journey with the intention to see faith in a different light.

I’m not sure of any particular reason why I’ve been waking up early lately. It’s not like I have an agenda to save the world on those days. My internal clock seems to wake me up at the same time, very early, 5AM. My eyes are still closed, but my brain is wide awake. It’s so awake that I feel no urge for sleep despise the heaviness in my eyelids. So I began to say the Lord’s Prayer in my head, hoping to fall back asleep. This has happened so many times now that I can no longer ignore it. Instead, I feel the need to write it down.

If I have to think about a reason why that’s so, maybe I’m worried about my parents’ health and that I want them to feel peaceful in their hearts. That’s also the time that they got up with worries and I want to pray for peace of mind. So far, that’s all I can think of. But it dawned on me, that prayer is the last resort that I’m looking for when I am out of control. I guess faith is still important for me in many aspects. But it is also hard for me to confirm or deny my faith. Of course, it’s Christianity if you’re questioning. I think it’s one of the religions that sounds confusing to non believers as well as old time believers. This is also one of the reasons that inspires me to start this blog. To keep a journal of doubts and uncertainty because that is what my head is thinking of constantly. And if, I lose faith, I can go to the darkness easily with the thought of not existing would be the most peaceful way to let go. However, I figured, if I have a chance at finding out the truth and my own faith, then let life keep waking me up the next day to experience it.

This is a more polished way using a free AI editor. If you’re confused about what I wanted to say, hopefully this helps.

 I have to admit that having faith in this day and age is difficult. There are so many distractions, both from within the community and outside it. Regardless of the reason, I want to start this journey with the intention of seeing faith in a different light.

I’m not sure of any particular reason why I’ve been waking up early lately. It’s not like I have an agenda to save the world on those days. My internal clock seems to pull me awake at the same time—5 a.m. My eyes are still closed, but my brain is wide awake. It’s so alert that I feel no urge for sleep, despite the heaviness in my eyelids. So, I began to say the Lord’s Prayer in my head, hoping to fall back asleep. This has happened so many times now that I can no longer ignore it. Instead, I feel compelled to write it down.

Searching for a reason, I keep circling back to my parents’ health and my desire for them to find peace. It’s also the hour they stir with their own worries, so I pray for peace of mind—for them, for me. So far, that’s the only reason I can grasp. Yet a deeper realization has dawned: I seem to seek prayer only as a last resort, when I’ve run out of control. This tells me faith still matters, even if I can’t neatly confirm or deny it. (It’s Christianity, for the record—a faith that can perplex non-believers and seasoned believers with equal force.) This very perplexity is one reason for this blog: to document the doubts that are my constant companions. I sometimes fear that without faith, I would welcome the darkness, where non-existence whispers as the ultimate peace. But I’ve decided if there’s even a possibility of finding my own truth, then I will let life keep waking me up to meet it.